Is love, as we know it, just an illusion?

AtheistForJesus

AtheistForJesus

Legendary Member
Orange Room Supporter
I'm 34 and have never been in a relationship or experienced love. Truth be told, I don't even understand what love is.
There were times in my life were I thought I was in love, but upon deeper reflection, I think it was mostly teenage infatuation.
Every time I "loved" someone, it was because that person was really attractive or because they lived up to the image of the perfect partner I had created in my mind.
I've never had any romantic feelings for someone I wasn't physically attracted to.

Love is often described as magical feeling that manifests unplanned. But isn't this "magical feeling" really just "physical attraction"?
Is love the selfless spontaneous emotion that it is made out to be, or is it a selfish pursuit to satisfy our craving for companionship and intimacy? If you look at today's relationships, they all have one thing in common: A head-over-heels feeling that fades in intensity over the course of a year.
After the passion wanes, many people choose to move on, unless they're compatible enough to make their relationship work.

All this has led me to the conclusion that love, particularly romantic love, does not exist.
We all have a preconceived idea of what constitutes the ideal partner in terms of appearance, character, and social status.
We all want want to meet someone who is cute, funny, smart, healthy, and successful.
People do not involuntarily "fall in love". They choose and carefully plan whom to fall "in love" with.
Therefore, I've come to believe that people do not love each other so much as the idea of love itself.

Sometimes you're lucky and your romantic interest turns out to be someone whom you can tolerate enough to spend your life with, and with time you get attached to each other, in the same way you get attached to your old friends. But IMHO, there is nothing such as "falling in love".

What are your thoughts on this?
 
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  • Indie

    Indie

    Legendary Member
    Orange Room Supporter
    What you're describing is not love but infatuation.

    In the Catholic church, they say that to love is to want the good of someone for his or her sake. It's a choice you make in every moment to put their interest before yours. If they do the same for you, then you have a successful relationship.
     
    I

    illusion84

    Member
    Love is real; your love for your parents; your love for your children is pure and undoubted love.

    Love for partners ; well it is not the same type of love; there is attraction; passion; hate; respect... it is too complicated and it evolves with time.
     
    Isabella

    Isabella

    The queen of "Bazella"
    Orange Room Supporter
    I'm 34 and have never been in a relationship or experienced love. Truth be told, I don't even understand what love is.
    There were times in my life were I thought I was in love, but upon deeper reflection, I think it was mostly teenage infatuation.
    Every time I "loved" someone, it was because that person was really attractive or because they lived up to the image of the perfect partner I had created in my mind.
    I've never had any romantic feelings for someone I wasn't physically attracted to.

    Love is often described as magical feeling that manifests unplanned. But isn't this "magical feeling" really just "physical attraction"?
    Is love the selfless spontaneous emotion that it is made out to be, or is it a selfish pursuit to satisfy our craving for companionship and intimacy? If you look at today's relationships, they all have one thing in common: A head-over-heels feeling that fades in intensity over the course of a year.
    After the passion wanes, many people choose to move on, unless they're compatible enough to make their relationship work.

    All this has led me to the conclusion that love, particularly romantic love, does not exist.
    We all have a preconceived idea of what constitutes the ideal partner in terms of appearance, character, and social status.
    We all want want to meet someone who is cute, funny, smart, healthy, and successful.
    People do not involuntarily "fall in love". They choose and carefully plan whom to fall "in love" with.
    Therefore, I've come to believe that people do not love each other so much as the idea of love itself.

    Sometimes you're lucky and your romantic interest turns out to be someone whom you can tolerate enough to spend your life with, and with time you get attached to each other, in the same way you get attached to your old friends. But IMHO, there is nothing such as "falling in love".

    What are your thoughts on this?
    Love in the romantic sense is real in my opinion and it hits you like a bag of rocks. It evolves with your relationship but it doesn't lose its intensity. Physical attraction plays a part of course, but you don't love a person based solely on their appearance. I think you know you're in love when the other person's feelings matter to you more than your own, when silly pride and who's right or wrong stop mattering and all that matters is making things right with this person when you have a disagreement, when you go through hell together and find strength in each other, when you're happy because they're happy and sad because they're sad, love is not just fleeting infatuation it's a lot more than that. There's a reason wedding vows are "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part" and that reason is not a cliche, that is the reality and the nature of love. When you truly love someone, you love them no matter what!


    But even if you don't believe love in the romantic sense exists, you can't deny the existence of unconditional love, mainly the one a parent feels for their child and, to a lesser degree, a child feels for their parents. If it's a healthy relationship of course. I would quite literally die for my daughter, it's a choice I have already made even before meeting her while going through my emergency c-section, and from that moment on, my love for her has only grown stronger. When you have a kid you understand what your parents feel towards you, also as cliche as that sounds, words are not enough to describe that feeling!

    So yeah anyway love exists and it's what motivates and inspires us as humans. It's what creates, shapes and pushes us forward. To ignore it, or worse yet, to say it simply doesn't exist, is to be incredibly cynical in a world that doesn't need any more cynicism.
     
    loubnaniTO

    loubnaniTO

    Legendary Member
    Staff member
    Super Penguin
    I'm 34 and have never been in a relationship or experienced love. Truth be told, I don't even understand what love is.
    There were times in my life were I thought I was in love, but upon deeper reflection, I think it was mostly teenage infatuation.
    Every time I "loved" someone, it was because that person was really attractive or because they lived up to the image of the perfect partner I had created in my mind.
    I've never had any romantic feelings for someone I wasn't physically attracted to.

    Love is often described as magical feeling that manifests unplanned. But isn't this "magical feeling" really just "physical attraction"?
    Is love the selfless spontaneous emotion that it is made out to be, or is it a selfish pursuit to satisfy our craving for companionship and intimacy? If you look at today's relationships, they all have one thing in common: A head-over-heels feeling that fades in intensity over the course of a year.
    After the passion wanes, many people choose to move on, unless they're compatible enough to make their relationship work.

    All this has led me to the conclusion that love, particularly romantic love, does not exist.
    We all have a preconceived idea of what constitutes the ideal partner in terms of appearance, character, and social status.
    We all want want to meet someone who is cute, funny, smart, healthy, and successful.
    People do not involuntarily "fall in love". They choose and carefully plan whom to fall "in love" with.
    Therefore, I've come to believe that people do not love each other so much as the idea of love itself.

    Sometimes you're lucky and your romantic interest turns out to be someone whom you can tolerate enough to spend your life with, and with time you get attached to each other, in the same way you get attached to your old friends. But IMHO, there is nothing such as "falling in love".

    What are your thoughts on this?
    Everything you described can exist, and scenarios or answers do not have to be mutually exclusive. I don't think there is necessarily a universal definition of love, or falling in love, or romance. It depends on each person, their environment, their state of mind, and yes their age.

    first things first, i think you're talking about love and romance, as in two consenting adults... do that we dont confuse that with the love for parents, kids, or friends. Let's focus on this.

    There are people who can only fall in love with someone they are physically attracted to.... others fall in love with a person they are physically and emotionally attracted to. Sometimes opposites attract, and sometimes they don't. There are people who cannot have any sexual attraction unless it is coupled with deep emotional bonding (demisexuals). There are people who can only fall in love if their list of criteria is met (e.g. physical, emotional, career, personality, maybe car!? etc), and others who fall in love just from the first time their eyes meet.

    I don't think there is a real simple formula for it, and there is absolutely no need to stress about it. It is whatever it is, and run with it. :)
    If romance starts with a physical attraction that can evolve into an emotional and social bonding, so be it. Why not? there is nothing to judge there, or to ridicule.
    One thing i would say, the older we get, the more mature we get, and - at times - more critical and demanding we become. That's why it is easier for teenagers to FALL IN LOVE, then for a 30 year old or a 40 year old.

    When it comes to love fading away with time... yes, in most cases, romance fades away (and not necessarily disappears), and yes, the trick for a long lasting relationship is sometimes being with someone you can tolerate enough without killing them. And again, nothing wrong with that. Romance at that point no longer become blushing, rapid heart beats, and sexual attraction.. it can become a simple "attachment", your partner being part of your life and of you that they become hard to live without... sometimes you see older couples 3am bi2abbro be ba3doun but they still sleep next to each other, watch a movie together, and sometimes hold hands.
    Again, no single formula for a long lasting relationship... sometimes it is based on romantic love, sometimes based on tolerance, other times based on mutual respect and attachment... and many times, it just doesn't work.

    i don't want to pretend i am expert, but at least that's my humble opinion...

    and advice: don't sweat it.. just go with your flow..... and if your compatible match is out there, you will eventually stumble upon him/her/them! :)
     
    NewLeb

    NewLeb

    New Member
    You canโ€™t experience love if you donโ€™t love yourself first.
     
    Omeros

    Omeros

    Legendary Member
    Orange Room Supporter
    I'm 34 and have never been in a relationship or experienced love. Truth be told, I don't even understand what love is.
    There were times in my life were I thought I was in love, but upon deeper reflection, I think it was mostly teenage infatuation.
    Every time I "loved" someone, it was because that person was really attractive or because they lived up to the image of the perfect partner I had created in my mind.
    I've never had any romantic feelings for someone I wasn't physically attracted to.

    Love is often described as magical feeling that manifests unplanned. But isn't this "magical feeling" really just "physical attraction"?
    Is love the selfless spontaneous emotion that it is made out to be, or is it a selfish pursuit to satisfy our craving for companionship and intimacy? If you look at today's relationships, they all have one thing in common: A head-over-heels feeling that fades in intensity over the course of a year.
    After the passion wanes, many people choose to move on, unless they're compatible enough to make their relationship work.

    All this has led me to the conclusion that love, particularly romantic love, does not exist.
    We all have a preconceived idea of what constitutes the ideal partner in terms of appearance, character, and social status.
    We all want want to meet someone who is cute, funny, smart, healthy, and successful.
    People do not involuntarily "fall in love". They choose and carefully plan whom to fall "in love" with.
    Therefore, I've come to believe that people do not love each other so much as the idea of love itself.

    Sometimes you're lucky and your romantic interest turns out to be someone whom you can tolerate enough to spend your life with, and with time you get attached to each other, in the same way you get attached to your old friends. But IMHO, there is nothing such as "falling in love".

    What are your thoughts on this?
    Bullshit. Time and power and dream consuming ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ™„.... unless if he / she propose respecting ur time... A3sabe.... And dreams to be fulfilled and be a power or source of energy in my life ghayr hayk yetsalla bghayre
     
    Omeros

    Omeros

    Legendary Member
    Orange Room Supporter
    Love is real; your love for your parents; your love for your children is pure and undoubted love.

    Love for partners ; well it is not the same type of love; there is attraction; passion; hate; respect... it is too complicated and it evolves with time.
    I love my studies hayda love Kamen and my work...
     
    Omeros

    Omeros

    Legendary Member
    Orange Room Supporter
    You canโ€™t experience love if you donโ€™t love yourself first.
    Ya wayle yalle be de2 elle b3awwtfe LA e7sob alla MA 7abo ๐Ÿค“๐Ÿ˜ alla y3ino eza 2elo 3ale2a bel syese I'll let him dance on the rythme of the dirtiest dance ๐Ÿง๐Ÿคฃ and I'll won at the end... And he will say proud of u be kel rawa2
     
    Omeros

    Omeros

    Legendary Member
    Orange Room Supporter
    Everything you described can exist, and scenarios or answers do not have to be mutually exclusive. I don't think there is necessarily a universal definition of love, or falling in love, or romance. It depends on each person, their environment, their state of mind, and yes their age.

    first things first, i think you're talking about love and romance, as in two consenting adults... do that we dont confuse that with the love for parents, kids, or friends. Let's focus on this.

    There are people who can only fall in love with someone they are physically attracted to.... others fall in love with a person they are physically and emotionally attracted to. Sometimes opposites attract, and sometimes they don't. There are people who cannot have any sexual attraction unless it is coupled with deep emotional bonding (demisexuals). There are people who can only fall in love if their list of criteria is met (e.g. physical, emotional, career, personality, maybe car!? etc), and others who fall in love just from the first time their eyes meet.

    I don't think there is a real simple formula for it, and there is absolutely no need to stress about it. It is whatever it is, and run with it. :)
    If romance starts with a physical attraction that can evolve into an emotional and social bonding, so be it. Why not? there is nothing to judge there, or to ridicule.
    One thing i would say, the older we get, the more mature we get, and - at times - more critical and demanding we become. That's why it is easier for teenagers to FALL IN LOVE, then for a 30 year old or a 40 year old.

    When it comes to love fading away with time... yes, in most cases, romance fades away (and not necessarily disappears), and yes, the trick for a long lasting relationship is sometimes being with someone you can tolerate enough without killing them. And again, nothing wrong with that. Romance at that point no longer become blushing, rapid heart beats, and sexual attraction.. it can become a simple "attachment", your partner being part of your life and of you that they become hard to live without... sometimes you see older couples 3am bi2abbro be ba3doun but they still sleep next to each other, watch a movie together, and sometimes hold hands.
    Again, no single formula for a long lasting relationship... sometimes it is based on romantic love, sometimes based on tolerance, other times based on mutual respect and attachment... and many times, it just doesn't work.

    i don't want to pretend i am expert, but at least that's my humble opinion...

    and advice: don't sweat it.. just go with your flow..... and if your compatible match is out there, you will eventually stumble upon him/her/them! :)
    Real love is a gr8 tango dance.( taking into consideration I'm a trainer) .. Ghayr hek no chemistry Walla mutual understanding
     
    Omeros

    Omeros

    Legendary Member
    Orange Room Supporter
    Love in the romantic sense is real in my opinion and it hits you like a bag of rocks. It evolves with your relationship but it doesn't lose its intensity. Physical attraction plays a part of course, but you don't love a person based solely on their appearance. I think you know you're in love when the other person's feelings matter to you more than your own, when silly pride and who's right or wrong stop mattering and all that matters is making things right with this person when you have a disagreement, when you go through hell together and find strength in each other, when you're happy because they're happy and sad because they're sad, love is not just fleeting infatuation it's a lot more than that. There's a reason wedding vows are "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part" and that reason is not a cliche, that is the reality and the nature of love. When you truly love someone, you love them no matter what!


    But even if you don't believe love in the romantic sense exists, you can't deny the existence of unconditional love, mainly the one a parent feels for their child and, to a lesser degree, a child feels for their parents. If it's a healthy relationship of course. I would quite literally die for my daughter, it's a choice I have already made even before meeting her while going through my emergency c-section, and from that moment on, my love for her has only grown stronger. When you have a kid you understand what your parents feel towards you, also as cliche as that sounds, words are not enough to describe that feeling!

    So yeah anyway love exists and it's what motivates and inspires us as humans. It's what creates, shapes and pushes us forward. To ignore it, or worse yet, to say it simply doesn't exist, is to be incredibly cynical in a world that doesn't need any more cynicism.
    Love is a mutual ambition to live together and have fun overcoming all the obstacles. again love is like dancing. that's why MA btozbat Bala l sahra ๐Ÿ˜Š๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ‘ป๐Ÿ‘ป๐Ÿ‘ป๐Ÿ‘ป๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž
     
    light-in-dark

    light-in-dark

    Legendary Member
    Love is a mutual ambition to live together and have fun overcoming all the obstacles. again love is like dancing. that's why MA btozbat Bala l sahra ๐Ÿ˜Š๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ‘ป๐Ÿ‘ป๐Ÿ‘ป๐Ÿ‘ป๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž
    Mni7 innik bta3rfรฉ torksรฉ tango
    Yalla fi atheistforjesus and you go dance together for a wlhile.
     
    Abou Sandal

    Abou Sandal

    Legendary Member
    Orange Room Supporter
    What are your thoughts on this?
    It is believed that ancients philosophers wanted to debate a complex topic, so they chose this same topic. After years of rhetoric and counter rhetoric, without palpable results, they decided that it would be by far more accessible for them, to chose a much easier one, so they switched to debating the sex of the angels.
     
    Indie

    Indie

    Legendary Member
    Orange Room Supporter
    It is believed that ancients philosophers wanted to debate a complex topic, so they chose this same topic. After years of rhetoric and counter rhetoric, without palpable results, they decided that it would be by far more accessible for them, to chose a much easier one, so they switched to debating the sex of the angels.
    The definition is easy to know. I already provided it for you :)

    It's acting according to that definition, all the time, that can be more difficult.
     
    shadow1

    shadow1

    Legendary Member
    Orange Room Supporter
    I'm 34 and have never been in a relationship or experienced love. Truth be told, I don't even understand what love is.

    What are your thoughts on this?
    Dont worry. Jessus loves you despite your shortcomings. So if by 34 you havent experienced it you are now just too wise to fall for it so you might as well supplant the desire for love with one for sex and with the right dose of self-deception, you might find yourself plagiarising poetry and writing it to an imaginary lover.
    You still have one year left before you become a totally hopeless case and start to take pride in buying Christmas gifts for ungrateful nephews and nieces while expecting nothing in return. Once the age of reason takes over the age of innocence you are doomed. Eternally!

    Anyway a lot of your ideas are correct to a degree but it wouldve been nice to have experienced the intensity at least once so you can multiply it in story telling and still sound like you know what you are talking about. If it's any consolation to your miserable loneliness , familiarity breeds contempt so as soon as you get familiarised with the habits of those you love, you wish you had a better control of your hormones unless your dad has too much money and you feel guilty wasting it on your own pleasures and you need an heir.

    Coming back to the definitions of love, my favourite one is that it is a feeling which makes time spent with unbearable and ugly people quite enjoyable. Love is blind indeed but dont count on its longevity for there may be just a can of worms at the end of your rainbow. And while you can, enjoy silliness and frivolity for every drop of fun they have to offer. You might wake up one day and find that grey hair has grown in places you never suspected it would and at that moment the only love that matters Is Jesus love. You might just have a better chance in the after life. So keep your name just in case. You dont want to miss out in this ephemeral life and the everlasting one.
     
    Indie

    Indie

    Legendary Member
    Orange Room Supporter
    Dont worry. Jessus loves you despite your shortcomings. So if by 34 you havent experienced it you are now just too wise to fall for it so you might as well supplant the desire for love with one for sex and with the right dose of self-deception, you might find yourself plagiarising poetry and writing it to an imaginary lover.
    You still have one year left before you become a totally hopeless case and start to take pride in buying Christmas gifts for ungrateful nephews and nieces while expecting nothing in return. Once the age of reason takes over the age of innocence you are doomed. Eternally!

    Anyway a lot of your ideas are correct to a degree but it wouldve been nice to have experienced the intensity at least once so you can multiply it in story telling and still sound like you know what you are talking about. If it's any consolation to your miserable loneliness , familiarity breeds contempt so as soon as you get familiarised with the habits of those you love, you wish you had a better control of your hormones unless your dad has too much money and you feel guilty wasting it on your own pleasures and you need an heir.

    Coming back to the definitions of love, my favourite one is that it is a feeling which makes time spent with unbearable and ugly people quite enjoyable. Love is blind indeed but dont count on its longevity for there may be just a can of worms at the end of your rainbow. And while you can, enjoy silliness and frivolity for every drop of fun they have to offer. You might wake up one day and find that grey hair has grown in places you never suspected it would and at that moment the only love that matters Is Jesus love. You might just have a better chance in the after life. So keep your name just in case. You dont want to miss out in this ephemeral life and the everlasting one.
    Is this a biography or a movie "inspired by real events?"
     
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